[Mystic]

So she’s regressed back to her natural state. Next thing you know she’s gonna be in a Home Depot parking lot lookin’ for fuckin’ construction jobs.

[Mystic]

This is who I am without you Maria, a goddamned fucking weirdo.

[Mystic]

Damn it, Reg I told you, break his arm. Don’t disobey me. I’m your master, and you are my possession. You carry out my will or you will feel my LASH!

[Mystic]

What’s up, realtors. Could you please tell me which of these desks belongs to April Buchanan. Huge tits? Nevermind, I see a photograph of the child we share together.

[Mystic]

In America people fucking hate soccer, and honestly, that’s the way it should be.

[Mystic]

My dad said you ruined baseball.

You know what? I can already tell that I don’t like you. And I’m probably not going to like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do. If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him, cause I ain’t watching.

[Rainbro Crash]

Combo breaker.

[Mystic]

So as I was saying, the amount of money I am gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That’s what I’m gonna be doing every single night – dolla, dolla bills, y’all…

[Mystic]

Originally Posted by Rainbro Crash

Combo breaker.

Once again I’m with the hottest chick in town, buyin’ the most expensive fashions, dinin’ in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddamn jet skis. Rainin’ trim. Hallucinogens. Jet skis again. Throwin’ heat. And getting laid.

[Mystic]

There’s no more time for games. The game clock has struck zero. You’re now here to seek your retribution, Kenny Powers. In front of this nautical themed gift shop, complete with a great white shark edifice, constructed by none other than Bob Duato.

[Mystic]

A goddamn Mexican standoff in fuckin’ Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left.

[Mystic]

This is my son. Who I’m now proud of. Check him out guys. My child. I have a fuckin’ kid, yo. Look into his eyes you faggots. Look at em’.

[Mystic]

Hey loser! Eyes fucking down! Have some respect for Coach Powers! Gosh . . . You’re all making me so mad! Hey Sara.. . What are you laughing at?! I have tried to be your friend, but you will not listen to me. So you invited this monster — don’t make me kill somebody!!!

[Mystic]

Sony’s a Japanese corporation, April. Uhh, it’s a PS3. Playstation. It is an appropriate gift for a baby. It does Blu-rays, which are in high definition, so it’s better for his eyes to take upon the movies.

[Mystic]

T-minus five seconds from us gettin’ jerked and worked by two smokin’ fuckin’ hotties.

I never saw myself as a one woman kinda guy, but I guess that’s what true love will do to a man.

[Mystic]

I gotta pretty fuckin’ dope life here in Myrtle Beach. I’m not gonna let some handsome, hot as fuck, little child ruin it. You got that, Toby? Look how cute he is. I fuckin’ hate him.

[Bill the Fish]

Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm 'bout to fuck you up with some truth.

[Mystic]

Originally Posted by Bill the Fish

Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm 'bout to fuck you up with some truth.

Scott, pull your penis out and put it inside this infant.

[Bill the Fish]

Originally Posted by Mystic

Scott, pull your penis out and put it inside this infant.

Find a way to change yourself for me.

[Mr. Macphisto]

I've been blessed with many things in this life: an arm like a damn rocket, a **** like a Burmese python, and the mind of a ****ing scientist.

[Mystic]

Originally Posted by Bill the Fish

Find a way to change yourself for me.

Don’t be a little contrary cunt just because me and Shane Dog, two young bloods, are running this town, owning this team, and chasing down our goddamn dreams.

[Narrator]

Shane: You so black.
Kenny: Go on, finish it.
Shane: That's a fucked up situation being all black.
Kenny: What ya got?
Shane: It's gotta be, It's gotta be like not fun except for the dancing and the big dick rumors and like being good at sports and like all that other positive shit, but the rest of it fuckin' sucks!

[Q & T]

I transcend race, hombre.

[Mystic]

I feel like my life’s become Requiem For a Dream. And I have front row seat tickets to the ass to ass scene. Toby’s the dildo, and I’m both assholes.

[Bill the Fish]

Originally Posted by Mystic

Don’t be a little contrary cunt just because me and Shane Dog, two young bloods, are running this town, owning this team, and chasing down our goddamn dreams.

Oh, what do I know? I know that one of us had their own personal stylist, and one of us shoplifts their shit from Fashion Bug. That's what I know. Now what else you got?

[Mystic]

Originally Posted by Bill the Fish

Oh, what do I know? I know that one of us had their own personal stylist, and one of us shoplifts their shit from Fashion Bug. That's what I know. Now what else you got?

I am sorry that your brother is Najavo. I know that would be very upsetting. If I found out I had a half black brother, or a whole black brother, I would be very upset.

[Mystic]

I know alotta you guys are lookin’ at me and sayin’ “hey, there’s a dude who’s exactly my same age.”

Truth be told, I’m a grown up real person. Sure your bodies might be tight. You might like to have sex in amazing, cool, intricate positions, but besides that shit, ya’ll don’t have a fuckin’ clue.

Shit ya’ll are doing, the fuckin’ facebook shit, the internets, the fuckin’ DVDs, that’s all bullshit. You’re shit isn’t real.

But from where I’m standin’, a full grown man, who has achieved his dreams. Yeah, that’s right, I’m goin’ back to the majors. My shit is about as real as it gets.

Besides, I can out party, out drink, and out fuck each of you. Youth can suck my dick. PEACE OUT!